Like many of you, I sometimes find it hard to be ok these days. I've been seeing a lot of posts and images and artwork telling me that it's 'ok to not be ok'. And while I know I've been reminding myself of how lucky i am to have my health and the health of my family (and i'm definitely so grateful for this), I still feel guilty about the let down I feel about missing out on my old life - especially the part of it that was supposed to take a 2 week vacation to Switzerland with my husband back in June (we've never been across the pond). And with everything happening in the world that matters WAAAAYYYY more than my fomo, guilt arises in me because it seems like such a shallow disappointment. Boo-hoo, poor me, no vacation...that sort of self-chastising begins to happen inside as I try to get over it and stop feeling sorry for myself.
But the more I think about it, the more I understand that we all have our own experiences with sadness and loss, and we all have our own versions of grief. It's all valid. And I do know that it's one thing to sit with the pain, acknowledge it, and really feel it and let it pass. but it's another thing to wallow in the self pity and let it eat away at you slowly but surely. So little by little...and because I have the time...I'm learning to be ok with not being ok in my own right, for a short, bittersweet time.
So how about you? I've deliberately made my first blog post as a safe space for you, my virtual friends, to be able to share any disappointments, bummers, and lost life events that you may feel even the tiniest bit ashamed to be missing out on. because it is ok. These are unprecedented times and we need to be able to express ourselves and our sadnesses freely without worry about judgement or guilt. Let this post be that for you. Add your valid emotions to the comments. I hope it helps even a little bit, but I'm aiming for a full-blown release. So let it out! Let's here it!